by Hilarious Weber-Wild
Hilarious grew up in a bad part of South London where, because of his silly name, he had to learn to run fast at a very early age. He often sought refuge in the local library, somewhere he could be sure his knuckle-dragging pursuers would never go. And it was there he developed a passion for reading, writing and Miss Peabody, the local librarian. Today, Hilarious is a freelance writer.
Internet users across Europe have expressed mild to middling irritation that their privacy is being violated by a flood of emails from companies they really don’t remember ever contacting, assuring them their privacy matters. So what’s going on?
Yes, it’s the most eagerly awaited event since Harry’s and Meghan’s wedding, the new EU General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR), which came into force late last week.
But why should you care? Well, if you contact or do any kind of business with EU residents you should pay attention. We decided to explore what’s behind this new regulation and get the thoughts of business people from across Europe.
Explaining why this new law is being introduced Vera Jourova, the EU Commissioner for Justice, Consumers and Gender Equality, said,“Personal data is the gold of the 21st century. And we leave our data basically at every step we take, especially in the digital world. When it comes to personal data today, people are basically naked in an aquarium.” This prompted complaints from aquariums across Europe as hordes of naturists queued to join in the fun. Mr. Tiny Temper, from Amsterdam’s Frolics with Fish aquarium, said, “The EU needs to be very careful about unintended consequences for businesses. We’ve already had one naked male swimmer taken to hospital after an inappropriate encounter with an amorous blowfish. The children were traumatized.”
In other developments, a number of high-profile US news websites were temporarily unavailable in Europe late last week as the new rules came into force, prompting questions about the competency of their horizon-scanning capabilities. A delighted President Trump tweeted, “Great news. Really great news. No more fake news. I’d like to see something like the GDR in the US to smash the dishonest media (all DEMS!). Really great.” The Whitehouse later clarified that the letter “P” on the President’s phone was not working and the tweet should have read “GDPR” and not “GDR”, and that the President was not a fan of the old communist German Democratic Republic (GDR), and had no plans currently to adopt repressive Stalinist anti-media policies.
So how are ordinary business people coping with the new rules? Frenchman Gerard L’Escargot, who is currently serving a five-month sentence for crimes against humanity, said, “Despite being locked up I run an operation using drones to deliver contraband to prisons across France. These new rules are a bureaucratic nightmare as I’ll have to contact all my clients to assure them I won’t pass on their details. On the plus side, I can now use the ‘Right to be forgotten’ clause in the new rules to have my convictions deleted from police databases.”
Cabbage Stardust, an artisan cheese maker from the Ruhrpott, commented, “To be honest this has caught me by surprise and I’m worried. Non-compliance could result in fines of up to 20 million euros or 4% of global turnover. And you know they’ll enforce to show they’re serious. With fines like that I’d have to literally suck the cows dry and the cost in soothing udder gel would be ruinous.”
So there you have it.
Note from the editor: We strongly suggest that you check out the links below and get advice to make sure you are in full compliance with the new GDPR. And, as this blog is also affected by the new rules, we would be grateful if you could respond to our recent email about confirming your preferences if you have not already done so. Thank you.
To learn more about the GDPR and what you’ll need to do go to www.eugdpr.org
Hilarious Weber-Wild, June 1, 2018
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