Loosely translated from local dialect (expletives deleted).

Monday morning. Sunny day with slight northerly breeze. Trees in full autumnal colors. Recruitment session in a financial institution’s office, somewhere in southern Europe.

HIM: “Hey! HEY you!!”
YOU: “What?” (lifting your head)
“Who? Me?”
“Yes you!”
“What?” (from under desk)
“Get out of there.”
“NOW!!” (at desk)
“You sure?”
“Of COURSE I’m sure!” (leaning over, points at a sheet of paper) “Tell me something: what is this crap in this portfolio?”
“What crap?”
“THIS crap!” (red in face)
“OK, OK. Who are you? How did you get in? Where’s Security?” (covering your head with arm)
“I’m your worst nightmare. From the front door. Useless as you are; got rid of them. Tell me what this thing in this portfolio is.”
“What, that?”
“Yes THAT!!”
(look at sheet for a second or two) “It’s a standard run-of-the-mill double upside triple downside best-of-best capital protected, but only on leap years, perpetual note on the Malaysian ringgit; why?” (smile)
“Why?! I tell you why, you slimy run-of-the-mill half-wit: do you even know where Malaysia is?”
“Ma-Malaysia? Yes, it’s in Asia, why?”
“Yes, you cretin, in Asia; now can you tell me what this ‘note’ actually does?” (hands on your lapels; redder face)
“I think it does what the name says.”
“You want to die too?” (redder still, bending neck sideways)
“Me, no thanks.” (feeling hot)
“Then what does IT do?”
“Harry can explain it; he’s the strategist that recommended it. Harry can spell it out for you. Let me go get him…” (drops of sweat on forehead)
“You’re NOT going anywhere. I’ll spell something else for YOU: I don’t give a flying hoot about Harry or Barry or Larry. YOU have this thing in A portfolio, and THIS portfolio is YOUR responsibility. So what is it, before I blow my gasket?” (releases lapels, makes broad explosion gesture with arms, retakes lapels)
“It’s something that goes up twice as much as the Malaysian ringgit and down three times as much, is of course best-of-best, is capital protected on leap years and is perpetual. Want to see the graph?” (smile)
“I don’t need a graph to tell me this is a rip-off, you brick-head!”
“No it’s a good deal: we waived half our normal entry fees, but not the exit fees nor the underlying commissions. Oh, never mind; I’m not supposed to tell unless you ask…” (smile gone)
“UNLESS I ask, right?!” (releases one lapel, puts hand in pocket) “What do you think this is, a game of hide and seek?” (pulls out hand from pocket, slowly)
“No, wait, Barry… Harry said that…” (closing your eyes)

(a few seconds elapse)

“You’ll do; sharp mind and fast tongue.” (releases lapel, waives another piece of paper) “I’m Fred, from across the street. We want you on our team.”
“What? Fred? Me on your team? I thought you…”
“Never mind; join us, you’ll make a lot more money and our perpetuals are even longer in duration. Here, look at this graph and listen to this video from our chairman.” (drops sheet and a CD on desk)
YOU: (faint)

-Photo Sources-
Cover: http://hpility.blogspot.com/2016/09/Fall-into-the-Darkness-Nightmares-at-Halloween-Horror-Nights-6-at-Universal-Studio-Singapore.html